Illustrator and writer, Dani Duck, continues on her epic quest to become a Picture Book Author/Illustrator. Read how she valiantly slays the evil Procrastination Dragon. Watch as she creates New Artwork before your very eyes! Study the Mystic Arts of Picture Book creation as Dani reviews some of the best Children's Authors and Illustrators of our time!
Putting crayons in the dryer is an ineffective way of dying fabrics.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Fractured Fairy Tale Fridays: The Little Mermaid
I've decided that Fridays will be from hereforth: Fractured Fairy Tale Fridays. I will continue this until I run out of stories, everyone tells me to stop or I get bored of such an arrangement. These stories aren't for young children, but will be minimally offensive so if a child does read it they will hopefully not be scarred for life. These tales are senseless, haphazardly written and will likely destroy everything you love about your favorite fairy tales. I am so sorry for this, but it must be done. Without further ado, here is the first part of my version of "The Little Mermaid":
The Little Mermaid (Part 1)
Retold by Dani Duck
Once there was a beautiful mermaid
named Lydia. She had silky long black hair, glowing ivory skin,
manicured nails and knew she had a rocking hot body. Being the daughter
of the sea king she had everything she ever wanted... well everything
but a good merman. Though she was absolutely gorgeous she found it
incredibly hard to find a good man. Lydia had one flaw that was
keeping her from her dream: she had a terrible voice. I mean her
voice was so bad that it made the sound of nails across the
chalkboard seem pleasant.
Lydia would often spend her evenings in
the bubble tea bar, and would have a lot of luck with mermen buying
her bubble tea. The problem would always come when she would open her
mouth to talk. Sometimes she was able to avoid speaking, but
invariability the merman would say something funny (or something she
was socially obligated to laugh at), and it would be all over after
that. The merman ears would start bleeding, he'd start screaming and
swim out of the bubble tea bar as fast as his legs could carry him.
“Every single night!” She said to herself. “I can't seem to
catch a break.”
Catching a break was exactly what she
did. One night as she was leaving the bar cold and alone she saw a
sign, “Wanted: Voices in Exchange For Legs. Leave Your Wet and
Washed Up Life and Spend Some Time On The Warm Sand! Let the Sea
Witch Make Your Dreams Come True!*” in smaller letters below was
written “*Must find love within 24 hours of exchange.”*Below that
she read, “** Mermaids with lobster friends need not apply”
Lydia beamed brightly, “That's it!”
She squealed in delight, “That's exactly what I need!” Lydia
rushed home to pack her things. She wrote a note for her family that
she was going to the surface. Later, when reading the note, everyone was secretly relieved to have Lydia's voice out of their lives.
The Sea Witches' house wasn't what Lydia expected. It wasn't a small cave, but instead a grandiose
castle made from woven living sea plants that looked familiar. Lydia
ignored the plants and burst through the front door. “Usually one
knocks before entering a home, especially when it's the home of the
Lydia was so impressed with the decor that she couldn't
find the words to answer. Everywhere she looked there was furniture
that was gold, gilded and covered in gems. Lydia immediately began to
admire the painting of a radiant mermaid who was in the process of
turning other mermaids into plants. “I see you have good tastes, so
I'll let it go this time.” This time Lydia turned to see her host.
The radiant mermaid that was in the painting was standing before her!
“I take it you're here to exchange
your voice for a pair of legs.” Awed by the radiant mermaid Lydia
could only nod. “Once the change takes place you'll have 24 hours
to find your true love. If you don't you'll belong to me. Do you
understand these terms?” Lydia nodded. “Alright then, sign here.”
As soon as Lydia put the pen to paper
she could feel a change take place in her body. She blacked out and
when she came to she was lying on the beach. She looked down and saw
that her lovely tail had been replaced by the strangest things she'd
ever seen. She didn't know what to expect when she signed that paper,
but it hadn't been this! She also noticed that she had some parts
that she never had before. “Strange,” she thought. The man in
front of her must have thought the same thing, because he was
“The waters here aren't really good
for swimming, you know. Women are always losing their bikini bottoms
in this part of the ocean!”
Lydia looked him up and down. He was
strong, handsome and had a beautiful smile. This had to be the man
she was going to fall in love with! The man gave Lydia his shirt and
then carried her to his home.
End Part 1
Please come back next week for the second and final part of "The Little Mermaid".